a·car·di·a

Maybe it’s like what you said.
We should just both go our separate ways
and then we’ll do just fine.

What if fine isn’t good enough?
What if I want extraordinary?

No such thing.

But I’m right here, and our time is right now.

Well, what about before?

I am a guy. Since when
do we get anything right the first time?

I’m a realist,
and I know what love does to people.

You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time. ~ Never Been Kissed

Love as a verb. Love as a commitment

All the while, i tell myself that i’m almost to the finish line. My emotions will soon run their course, and things will return to normal, or at least the way they were before that moment in the intersection.

But as the days pass, i find myself wondering what exactly normal ever was. Were there ever a normal when things started between us?

Was I truly over him ? At one time I was sure that the answer was yes. But if seeing him again and merely touching his hand could peel back so many layers of my heart, then did i ever stop loving him the way you’re suposed to stop loving everyone but the one you’re with? if the answer is no then will the lapse of time or change of geography really fix the problem? and regardless of the answer, what does my mere question say about my relationship with…

The books I read are bad for my emotional well-being.

First I was so sick over the weekend, then I woke up today bright and early and unable to open my eyes.

I have Bacterial Conjunctivitis.

How Nice.

My little travel bag sits pretty in a corner of my room unpacked.
I look at it everyday, trying not to trip over it or accidentally kicking it sending me bouncing around.

I sat on the floor next to it today and instead of opening it up to unpack the remaining clean clothes and what not from it. I picked up a book and read leaning against it.

I was unpacking my thoughts instead in the end…

Maybe its like that lift buttons i found…. one too many needed.

One too many alone time spent sending thoughts spiraling to oblivion unnecessarily.
All I could think about now was stolen smiles with a cheeky wink sending me into giggles I forgot.

——
Someone once asked me.
Why do i not like wanton noodles.

I know this is totally random.

Its because. That was what I had for lunch on the day I got married.
But my answer would usually be, because I don’t.
The fact is. I do like it. I just don’t like the memory tagged with it.

Just Like why I stopped going to this cafe by the park. A place I love to chill at.
Because my husband broke up with me there. On my wedding anniversary.

I have memories tagged to alot of things that sometimes, its just best to be left alone.
I was unpacking memories today. Leaving some tucked away.

So if you ask me now, why I stop doing something or going somewhere and I smile and shrug it off …

Its because it brings back bad memories that I want to leave forgotten and not ready to be unpacked.